The Urgency of Forgiveness
An Essay
I’ve written about Forgiveness before. I’ve even approached the specific subject matter of this post before, without saying it quite this way. It’s on my mind so I’m going to write about it and you’re just going to have to deal with it.
I have a, perhaps, idiosyncratic view of forgiveness. I believe that forgiveness is unilateral, and reconciliation reflects the bilateral component. I described it once as anger being a fire burning beneath our feet, and forgiveness is the conscious choice not to feed it anymore. Forgiveness is, in other words, a choice not to be angry, a choice not to hold a grudge. One need not speak to someone with whom you have had a falling out, and one need not speak to them to stop spending emotional energy on the wounds that a falling-out have caused. Reconciliation is when this person returns to you and asks to normalize your relationship, and an important part of reconciliation is some penance to right the wrong, and a resolution never to commit the wrong again, as we know from the sacrament.
It is important to contemplate forgiveness because it is in the prayer which Christ Himself gave to us–the Our Father: “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Forgive us in the same way that we forgive.
How do we forgive? That’s not a question I can answer for you. But forgiveness is the proper antidote to Anger. It is also vitally important to our salvation. If you forgive readily–regardless of whether or not you reconcile–then God will forgive you likewise readily. Can you imagine that? If you are anything like me, you can anticipate going before the judgement seat heavily laden with our own sins, heavily scarred by the sins and grievances of others. If in this life we forgive unilaterally, immediately, lovingly–can you imagine how it would feel to crawl before the judgement seat and hear that same forgiveness returned to you? Can you imagine having your burden lifted, you scars healed, without negotiating? Can you imagine God refusing to hold a grudge, and welcoming you home like the prodigal son was welcomed by his father?
The reconciliation will come–purgation isn’t easy, but at least you know on the other side of it is Heaven. I read somewhere that our guardian angels go back and forth to bring us refreshment and encouragement while we endure the cleansing fire of perfection. Once we are in, there’s no going back–we’ve made our choice and what a sweet choice it is.
Now, this may all sound like a sweet and naïve belief, but I can see no other reading of the Our Father–Forgive us in the same way that we forgive. If we can bring ourselves to forgiveness–to unilateral, immediate, loving, unconditional forgiveness–then we can heal ourselves, heal the world, and hope all the more in the glory of the Resurrection. If we would like to heal the wounds of the world, and do so with urgency, then we would do well to forgive with urgency.
Ad Jesum Per Mariam